No title needed

Sometimes I just need to write when its not required of me. If I only write when I have to I begin to feel like its only ever going to be a chore. When you have to worry about form and content instead of just getting out something that's on your mind it starts to make everything cloudy. So today I write to just dump out whats on my mind. My last few weeks in Rexburg have made me think a lot about my options of what I'll be doing the next year. I wish I could get past the idea of next year and think about next 10 or 20. I don't know why that thought is so scary. I can't even get around to calling someone to ask if my major can be changed. So I don't know if I'll be graduating with an associates degree now or later. Apparently I have too many credits to just easily do a major change. They want a plan with a change. I've thought about switching to medical assisting. I will have to say...everything associated with that major sounds like something I would love to do with one exception: drawing blood. I'm honestly not sure I can do that. I'm not sure I can let people practice on me. Maybe its not the wisest choice for me. I'm still thinking about it.

I'm not sure how much longer I can balance the blessing of being here at BYUI against the annoyances. I realize its a great thing to be here, but I can't for the life me easily get over being around stupidity or immaturity in such large numbers. Its enough in my own personal life...then try to pull in at least 5000 extra cases. I'm too critical. I know. Tuesday is devotional day. I love to hear the speakers but I can't avoid the distractions. I've tried listening on the radio at home and I fell asleep. I did have one good experience, but this past Tuesday was just a super special experience. A married couple sat right in front of me and my friend. I don't know how to comprehend what happened next. The kid couldn't even separate himself long enough to fold his arms for the prayer. And shame on me, I can't even really remember the topic because I'd rather talk about their craziness. They were looking at each other the whole time and blowing in each others' ears and giggling and rubbing each others backs and head and shoulders and...ay yay yay. I looked around and there were some better behaved couples, but man. Baby steps, I'll try again next week. Hopefully I'll have better luck at finding a less distracting set of neighbors. Other things that have made me laugh is just hearing phone conversations sitting in a court yard. I have to think to myself. Does this girl not care if the rest of campus hears her talking about her new boyfriend and how they aren't ready to get married yet? Or does it never dawn on her that the seemingly secret things she is discussing with an obvious good friend might actually be in front of someone who knows him? Maybe it doesn't matter, but such personal conversations had in the wide open spaces of campus crack me up. I don't know how the rest of the community can deal with such crazy kids running around their town acting like crazy fools. A college campus is just a phenomenon wherever you go I'm sure. It's not so much a drinking problem here...but people do enough crazy other things to make up for the lack of alcohol involved.

Another thing I was going to mention was how I wanted to go to Ukraine to do a volunteer program. I got accepted for the fall. I just don't know where I would come up with $3000 in two weeks from now. (passport and paperwork is due June 1st) If I can't come up with the money I don't want to sign a contract saying that I WILL. Its a charitable donation that can be deducted from your taxes should anyone who is reading want to contribute to my cause :) It's a volunteer program to help teach English to kids in foreign countries through a specific method and volunteer/teacher play and interaction. (www.ilp.org) I would love to be able to go do that. It seems like a great opportunity to experience another country and get to make a difference in someone's life in the process. I've known a couple other people who have done it and they have only had good things to say. I have heard of another friend backing out last minute too. I can't imagine I would back out after making such a huge commitment. Especially because I really want to go. They did tell me that most of the other volunteers are much younger so if I was okay with that they would love to have me. I could handle younger girls and guys in smaller doses :) Its all high standard living. As if I was just living the BYU Idaho honor code but in another country. I had thought about selling my car to go, but then there is the whole issue of getting another car when I get back. And where am I going to be going back to too. I guess I really better get on this decision train here pretty soon.